Follower Friday: dw-yne

Follower Fridays is a series of profiles highlighting members of Gaysian Third Space to showcase the diversity of gaysians in the Community. This week’s featured member is @dw-yne.

Who are you?

Hey everyone! I’m Dwayne, and I’m an Indonesian-Dutch kid who’s basically trying to glide through life right now. I’m sorta tall back home, but probably my barely 6’ stature would be just average in the States.

In short, I’m a 23 year-old bi shades (wearing and throwing) enthusiast.


Where are you from?

I’m from Jakarta, Indonesia, but for a short stint I’ve lived in Dallas and San Francisco, and now I live in Bandung (another Indonesian city).

Someday I’d like to move to Bangkok since it has what I think one of the most thriving gay scenes in Asia.

What do you do?

Well currently I’m (still) in college, studying geophysical engineering, working on my (never ending) bachelor thesis on mapping the subsurface of the Tangkuban Parahu volcano in Indonesia. But my thesis defense should be in the next few weeks, so fingers crossed!

Back in high school I played the baritone saxophone in the school orchestra and every now and then I still like to go back and just kinda jam it out with the band.

.

What are you passionate about?

I’m really passionate about cars, so you might wonder why I didn’t study something related to it for college, but that’s another story to tell. I guess more than anything I’m quite the car geek, I like to get invested in the automotive news but I haven’t found the time to write a decent article myself, so for now it’s just car updates for me.

Currently, I’m getting kinda fired up for the LGBTQ acceptance (hell, even recognition would be fine) in Indonesia, especially considering the strong-worded conservative communities that practically run the country. It kinda irks me that our representation in the media is nearly always reduced to stereotypical props and even the butt of the joke. But, coming from quite a religious family it’s quite a challenge for me to voice out my concerns because I’m still living the grey area (as in out to my friends, closeted to the family) so I’m still gathering all the courage I need to come clean to them.

Racial and religious tension in Indonesia has been quite tense recently, and somehow brought up the tension between the queer and the straights as well. I guess it more likely has to do with the rise in exposure as well, and the community really hates it when the status quo is shaken up, usually voicing their concerns in the name of norms (to give you a picture, the media deems that female breasts are titillating objects that may hypnotize men so the slightest sight of cleavage must be censored). So on one side I’m sorta glad that ‘our kind’ has been braver to expose their true selves on social media but on the other hand I fear for the conservatives’ wrath that may come with the former.

To lighten things up a bit, I’m also passionate about any sort of food and curating my Instagram feed as well.

What is your dream job (real or fantasy)?

Real job, I’d like to be an influencer 😂 jk honestly I haven’t given it much thought lately, but a childhood dream of mine is to design and engineer cars, so there’s that. But I have given becoming a seismologist a thought for some time and developing better techniques to predict earthquakes especially since I live in an earthquake-prone region.

And as for fantasy, i think following the footsteps of Joanne the Scammer would be splendid.

If you could change the world with one idea, what would it be?

Let’s evolve for the better. I would like more people to put humanity first over outdated values and norms that they sometimes like to put on a pedestal and cling on so tightly. Take the good ones with us and leave the primeval ones behind.

Any personal plugs?

I know it sounds totally conceited, but since this is for personal plugs anyway check out my insta at http://ift.tt/2yn6mSA

Advertisements

The whiteness of ‘coming out’

The whiteness of ‘coming out’:

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and throughout the day, many of my friends shared their stories on how leaving the closet has transformed their lives while recognizing that many others don’t share the same privilege. Be it an immigrant family, conservative politics, race, disability, or gender nonconformity, living an authentic life might not look or mean the same that mainstream (white) homonormative culture portrays. In this article, I appreciate the author’s honest discussion on the complexities of intersectionality in the coming out narrative and I hope you’ll find some parts that resonate with you.

-Jeffrey

Some excerpts:

Mainstream narratives of coming out imply a white subjectivity, one
that forgets the influence of culture, family and heritage. For many
queer people of colour, coming out is a much more nuanced process than a
single moment of verbal disclosure.

We come out in silence, between the refusal of mainstream queer
narratives to acknowledge our culture, and the refusal of our culture to
acknowledge our sexuality and gender. We come out in actions rather
than words, because we have to navigate our gender and sexuality in
terms of a very different cultural profile. Terms like ‘gay’, ‘trans’
and ‘non-binary’ aren’t universal. They have radically different
meanings in different cultural contexts.


Coming out requires a certain safety in visibility, in our families, in
our jobs, in our cultures and in our homes. Many queer people of colour
don’t have access to those privileges. When the closet is portrayed as a
place of self-hatred, pride becomes an insidious reminder that, in
order to be part of the queer community, you have to be visible, out and
open. We are so often made to choose between our self and our safety.

How Online Racism Towards Gay Asian Men Affects IRL Dating

How Online Racism Towards Gay Asian Men Affects IRL Dating:

An excerpt:

It’s tricky trying to understand your worth as a gay Asian man, or
any person of colour, when the gay community can be so dominantly
focused on the oh-so-desirable Adonis-bodied white man. The way gay
Asian men can be spoken to (or ignored) online causes some
second-guessing in interactions with (white) men, especially when it
comes to being more than friends.

It works the other way as well, where being associated with a gay Asian is seemingly taboo. I spoke to Daniel, a 30-year-old second generation Chinese-Canadian who
works in social justice, who shared his experience of the early stages
of dating a man. “When I first started dating my ex (who was white) he
asked me, ‘What do you think people think of me now that I’m dating an
Asian? What do you think people are saying?’”

Daniel adds that there were many occasions where someone he was dating
said that they weren’t looking for anything serious, so they would
casually date, but then it would be called off, only with the other guy
immediately being in a serious relationship with a white guy.

Raymond’s story · Staying Negative

Raymond’s story · Staying Negative:

An excerpt:

I love Bear culture – that’s the type of man I am attracted to. Thick muscles. Masculine guys. I got in that community through going to the events and I’m friends with a lot of Bears, so I just sort of went along. As a gay man I guess there are all these stereotypes that you have to battle against. I’m a pretty slim Asian guy. I only ever go to the Asian gay boy nights like Sticky or FANTASIA to be an encouraging wingman. So, I guess fighting the stereotypes is the biggest thing that I’ve struggled with. Asians are not all bottoms, as my London lad boyfriend will attest.

I haven’t had too many challenging experiences on the gay scene. I guess it would be that I was placed amongst the stereotypes. When I first started going out with Bears and that, I felt like the odd one out because I was a slim slinky guy amongst all these masculine muscled hairy guys. It made me want to be more masculine, more muscled and more hairy despite my genetics. I started working out and stuff like that, but for most part I have always been proud of who I am. It wasn’t a huge thing it was just like, “Oh, I wish I sort of belonged to the Bear community more. That would be easier”. However once I got to know them, I realised that they are so inclusive. Harbour City Bears gave membership to a woman. That’s how inclusive they are. So yeah, I’ve been to Twink Town at Slide where I did feel out of place too. However, everyone was really welcoming and friendly, but there are definitely nights like that where you don’t fit the stereotype and feel like the odd one out. But that’s just like an immediate reaction. Once you talk to people it’s never like that.