#48: Five Simple Steps | Nancy Podcast | WNYC Studios

#48: Five Simple Steps | Nancy Podcast | WNYC Studios:

KATHY: On the 12th floor, we walk into a place called “Tongzhi Hotline.” The “Hotline” is an inclusive LGBTQ center that runs all kinds of programs for the queer community in Taipei. And it’s literally in an apartment. There are posters of different queer Asian movies on the wall and we sit down in the cozy living room. The center runs a hotline for people who have come out. And there’s also a hotline for their parents.

KATHY: Andrew and I meet Guo Mama. Guo is her last name. And Mama means mom. Guo Mama has been volunteering at the Hotline for 14 years. She says that when her kid was first coming out, she and her husband had trouble finding information.

ANDREW: What makes it hard for people in Taiwan?

GUO MAMA: You know, some parents, for Chinese parents, we still believe that children are our property. So we will do all the decisions for them, we buy houses for them, we protect them – over protect sometimes. And we have the control freak hands, whatever, or the helicopter parents all over. We are probably not like that. But still, the society, the pressure are different, because they are judging the parents first: How come your kids are like that?

KATHY: How do you think a kid can come out to their parents? Like what is the easiest way to do that so they understand?

GUO MAMA: Five steps.

ANDREW: Oh wow, what are they? Number one.

GUO MAMA: Write a letter. First, when was the first time you realize you were different? Really early, as early as possible. So you force the parents to know, this is not the outsiders, this is not what school you’re in or the friends you’re dealing with, that make the problem, become the problem. It started really, really early in their lives.

GUO MAMA: And second, when you confirmed you were really different. You have certain steps yourself, you know. You check, you try different ways, and you blame the classmates, or the movies, or everything. Your kids will do that a lot alone. But at certain point you confirmed, like you’re desperate, say [MANDARIN] I’m beyond saving. [ENGLISH] No one can help me. I’m definitely that kind of person. There’s a date and year – tell your parents then.

GUO MAMA: The third, it’s like the history of your LGBT life. Like what happened, you tried the opposite sex, you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, many things. You have went to the doctors, you went to the hotline, and things like that, like a history. Also telling the parents there’s no way you can change now.

GUO MAMA: Fourth is your now, what happens now. You’re 28 or 35. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And what you’re really seeing yourself. You have already adjust to your orientation. And tell your parents, I’m really happy and have a partner and what I’m gonna do.

GUO MAMA: And the fifth, most important, what’s my futures look like. I want to get married. I want to have cats, dogs, or babies. Everything.

[ALL LAUGH]

ANDREW: Plants.

GUO MAMA: Plants. Live plants. It is really important. So your parents would say, Oh my kids were so alone, he would die alone. They have very scary pictures in their minds. You have to tell them, No, I have my own plans for my future. Write a letter. If you’re really lazy, just write five sentences, and you can always fill in later!

[ALL LAUGH]

GUO MAMA: And your parents will read it probably a hundred times. They really want to know what is going on.