Why Didn’t Gay Rights Cure Gay Loneliness?

I’m sure many of you have already came across this piece, a lengthy, but solid read that addresses many of the issues we care about about at G3S and why we are committed to not only creating a safe space, but also a supportive community for queer Asians. This week, as Pride draws to a close, I want to highlight some of the ongoing struggles and future directions for the LGBTQ+ (Asian) community, including but not limited to mental health, queer aesthetics, and intergenerational relationships.

-Jeffrey

It was hard to to choose key excerpts, but some highlights:

For years I’ve noticed the divergence between my straight friends and my gay friends. While one half of my social circle has disappeared into relationships, kids and suburbs, the other has struggled through isolation and anxiety, hard drugs and risky sex.

The defining feature of gay men used to be the loneliness of the closet,” he says. “But now you’ve got millions of gay men who have come out of the closet and they still feel the same isolation.”

“It’s like you emerge from the closet expecting to be this butterfly and the gay community just slaps the idealism out of you,” Adam says. When he first started coming out, he says, “I went to West Hollywood because I thought that’s where my people were. But it was really horrifying. It’s made by gay adults, and it’s not welcoming for gay kids. You go from your mom’s house to a gay club where a lot of people are on drugs and it’s like, this is my community? It’s like the fucking jungle.”

But the real effect of the apps is quieter, less remarked-upon and, in a way, more profound: For many of us, they have become the primary way we interact with other gay people.

All of a sudden it’s not your gayness that gets you rejected. It’s your weight, or your income, or your race.

“Gay and bisexual men talk about the gay community as a significant source of stress in their lives,” Pachankis says… Rejection from other gay people, though, feels like losing your only way of making friends and finding love. Being pushed away from your own people hurts more because you need them more.

Why Didn’t Gay Rights Cure Gay Loneliness?

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