Are you stronger than your desires?
Even though I’ve been in a relationship for the past 6 years, I still crush hard on other guys. I fucking hate it because the feelings are so unproductive. Whenever I see these crushes, my pheromones go nuts and all I want to do is smell them.
And it’s not even about sex because if that was the case, I would have opened up my relationship years ago. I can easily deal with thirst traps; it’s not lust I’m having trouble with. But when I meet someone that I can picture myself in a relationship with, it makes me feel goddamned uneasy.
A while back I had a massive crush on a friend, who later ended up telling me that he had feelings for me. It was such an awkward experience because even if I had told him that I reciprocated his feelings, nothing would have come from it. I absolutely do not want to get into a new relationship. I worked so hard for this current one; went through all the big fights, compromised a great deal, gave so much. There was no fucking way in hell I wanted to do that all over again with a new person. It would have been equivalent to me going from a senior management position back to an entry level position. Sure, it’s all fun and games and hearts emojis the first few months and years, but the real relationship doesn’t start till after the second year, from my experience.
My issue is what do I do with all of these feelings? When I crush on someone the feeling is just there lingering, and I start getting pangs of unrequited love. It’s not making me love my boyfriend any less by any means. I just wish I had two bodies. I guess it’s one of those issues where you just have to keep quiet and let the feelings pass. It’s not easy though.
This unrequited love
To me it’s nothing but a one-man cult