I’ve learnt something really valuable in the last three months and it’s seeped into nearly every single aspect of my life and really improved my relationships with a lot of people. I’ve learnt how powerful authentic communication is. Of being real with myself and being real with the people I interact with.
In dating, I remember being in an unhealthy space last year where if I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship anymore I would slowly reply to them less, and just hope they got the message that I wasn’t interested anymore. It was cowardly and my friends would joke about how many dates I had ghosted. I learnt earlier this year of the term “breadcrumbing”, which was far more sinister than ghosting and I realised I was guilty of it. Breadcrumbing is when you’re not interested in someone and you start ghosting them but you don’t want to let them go, so occasionally you show them a bit of attention on social media either by liking their photo or tagging them in a meme. You leave a trail of breadcrumbs for them to pick up. It’s selfish and pernicious.
After talking to a good friend of mine he gave me advice. To just be authentic. To be real with people. And also to learn to live with the consequences of our emotions. That’s what mature people do. If you don’t want to be with someone don’t hold onto them just for the attention. The more authentic you are, the more people respect you.
I had a dilemma where I liked two guys but had decided there was a lot more potential with one of them. 2016 me would’ve just slowly ghosted the other one but 2017 me told him that I had to cancel our date because I had met someone who I saw a lot of potential with and wanted to pursue that. He understood. I imagine it stung a bit for him, but he thanked me for my honesty and we parted ways.
This is the best thing I’ve learnt in 2017 thus far. This year has been a great year.