Minor Confession: I never wanted to be “one of the other guys” in middle school. I was comfortable – proud even – of being thinner, shorter, better at school, and yes, of being picked last at sports.
In this account, Paul Taylor talks about how that pride, among other factors, contributed to his anorexia. His story is a reminder that eating disorders are about more than the pursuit of a number on a scale – they’re the result of compelling social forces that, unchecked, perversely distort our own self-perception.
– gayforbatwings (Andrew)
All my life I was the skinny boy who was the last to be picked for sports. [Unlike many of my gay friends], being the last one picked never bothered me. I hated sports.
I don’t speak for all male anorexics, but I didn’t want to be [buff]. I was proud of being effeminate. When I started dating boys, they liked me because I was tall and lanky. I was comfortable with who I was and feared my growing body would make me unattractive.
As with all anorexics the thinner I got, the more potent my body dysmorphia became. I now believed my bone structure was disproportioned, that my pelvis was larger than my chest, and I would look wide no matter what.
Anorexia does not vanish, no matter how much you feed it. It’s living with the disease daily that’s difficult. Even now as I look at photos of me at 118.3 I have to stop myself from thinking my stomach looked bloated or that my arm had too much fat on it.