Q: How do you guys manage long distance feelings and relationships? When is it considered not worth chasing?
A: By @jsl009,
I have pretty strong opinions on long-distance relationships (LDRs). I’ve dated two guys my entire life, and one of those relationships just so happened to be an LDR. I’ve detailed the rise and fall of that relationship on my tumblr, …plus its descent into who knows what. Read for yourself under /tagged/SL.
LDRs are a chaotic. They’re intense. They’re passionate. They’re lonely. They’re confusing. They’re stressful. And I truly believe they can work, given the right mindset.
Now we don’t live in a world filled with unicorns that crap out cupcakes and rainbows. Let me warn you your relationship will not be a very happy story. You have to be more than realistic, understanding, and pragmatic on most days. LDRs are never ideal. They’re something that’s forced upon you by circumstance, and then you have to do your best to somehow make it all work until the two of you are together again.
I have two simple rules for an LDR:
1. Have an endgame
2. Be open and honest
You need an endgame, that light at the end of the tunnel that will be your motivation. It has to be a plan or goal where in the foreseeable future you two are living physically close to each other. Something to remind you that this situation is only temporary.
Be open and honest. Be honest about how you’re feeling. Tell them what’s bothering you. Talk about not being happy when they don’t text back right away. Let them know that talking everyday for an hour is too much. Say when you miss them. Admit that you’re afraid they might meet someone else. When these short moments of FaceTiming or Skyping together are all you two have, you need to be direct. You don’t have time for guessing. Be fearless in how you communicate. If you want this relationship to last, you can’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind.
LDRs are tougher than you can imagine, but you know it’s all worth it when you see their name pop up on your phone and still get excited. It’s worth it when you suddenly realize you’ve been talking on the phone for over for an hour. It’s worth it when you don’t mind waking up at 3am to wish them good luck before their exam in the morning. It’s worth it when they can still put a dumbass smile on your face when they’re 6,000 miles away. However, there may come a time when the stress becomes too much. You might not be trying as hard as you used to. They might not feel the same way about you anymore. If you’re open and honest, if you try your best, then everything will unfold as it should.