I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately and how I just want to explore someone else’s body and have them explore mine. I downloaded a bunch of apps but the response has been pretty lacklustre. There’s a seemingly insurmountable language barrier and so I barely get any messages, despite the many (and repeated?) profile visits.
If I’m being honest though, I’m not interested in sex. I’m just lonely. There, I said it. I wish I could just cuddle with someone. Hold hands. Sleep on his shoulder. Cook a meal together. Do stupid cute shit, I don’t know.
I do have friends around me right now, but it’s different, you know?
I’m still not totally certain about the whole asexual thing, but I think at this point all the labels are simply have been making me unable to see the forest for the trees. I’ve been so concerned about if I am or am not asexual when what’s really important is simply the fact that I want to be wanted.
Just like how I can’t control my sexual orientation, I can’t change my levels of sexual attraction. It’s simply a fact of life, and trying to fight against that won’t get me anywhere. If I never feel aroused for the rest of my life, that’s just how it’s going to be. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll find myself turned on by a special guy.
But I digress. I just want a pretty boy to hang out with right now. Is that too much to ask for?