[R]acism isn’t just an outside force that affects us- it comes from within
as well. It’s internalized within ourselves, and manifests in many ways:
sometimes through a desire to suppress our own “Asian-ness” and become
“more white”, or to subject ourselves to a white gaze, or hate our own
yellow bodies; or this unspoken competition with other gay Asians, in
vying for the attention of white men.
Far too often I relegate my “preferences” to just a force of nature –
This false idea that we don’t control our dating preferences, and that
“we just happen to be attracted to who we are attracted to”. When we say
we are only attracted to white men; which infers that we could never be
attracted to the billions of other men of different colours in the
world; how can we say that this is just a “preference”? Preferences
don’t just fall from the sky – they are informed by the way we are
socialized. I recognize that systems that privilege young, white,
masculine, cis, able bodies, inform not only my desires, but also my
relationship to my own, yellow, body.
A thoughtful reflection on sexual racism and dating preferences from a Chinese Canadian and his efforts to dismantle the internalized white hierarchy in his desires.