ToI 1: Release

jsl009:

One of the hardest lessons I’ve yet to learn in my adult life is the subtle art of letting go. I’m an optimist and a hopeless romantic. I do my best to see the good in people. We’re all trying to do our best to survive in this complicated world, yet I understand that as humans we are imperfect. We will make mistakes. We hurt people we care about but that never diminishes our capacity for redemption.

I know these are admirable traits when maintaining healthy relationships with people, but what happens when those relationships go awry? How does one handle mistreatment and betrayal? How should one react when the other has a change of heart? The idea that you can form a deep connection with someone and then somewhere along the lines things change–it’s a situation that’s plagued almost every one of my intimate relationships.

When faced with this circumstance I struggle, I obsess, I analyze. No detail goes unturned until I reach a familiar conclusion; I need more information. Each time I arrive at this junction, I’m seemingly faced with the same two choices:

1.) Accept that there are some questions I will never know the answers to. Individuals are unique and make decisions that don’t make sense. They must live with the consequences of their actions. Let go and move on.

2.) Hope. Have faith that over time we can realize our role in disagreements. Be honest and willing to reach an understanding of each other. Be open to mending the relationship and moving forward anew with a more mindful incarnation of what once was.  

Are these ideas mutually exclusive? Is the fruition the latter at all practical or is it some quixotic fantasy? Is it expecting too much in today’s world? One rooted in reality and the other in the ideal. I am forever in pursuit of reconciling the two.

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