The Secret Sex
“I’ve been in a relationship with a trans woman for the last two years,” Richard tells me, expecting an air of judgement to come his way. “I started having sex with trans women about three years ago. After my last ex girlfriend, I don’t know if I can trust regular women again,” he explains.
I’m always intrigued by individuals who don’t fit within the Kinsey scale. There’s a world of attraction out there that goes beyond gay, straight, and bi. And it makes me think about my own sexuality and how much it can truly bend. Sure, I have determined early in life that I’m not sexually attracted to women. But should I discount the possibility of me being sexually attracted to a trans man? I’m really not sure. But it makes me really ponder if we subconsciously limit our sexuality and if deep down, there’s a level of attraction that’s waiting to be unleashed. I also can’t remove the fact there’s a great amount of stigma out there. “I only date daddies,” my friend Jeff tells me. “But guys my age get weirded out by that and think that I have daddy issues, when in reality I’m playing out my teenage fantasies and enjoying them.” He then tells me how younger guys glare at him when he walks around with older men, as if it’s a big shame.
With this in mind, we also hear stories on how heterosexual men have sex with other men in prison. But in the theoretical case of homosexuals being put in an island of only women, would we start having sex with women too?
This all makes my head spin to be honest. However, the question still stands. Do we all have a secret sexuality that’s waiting to be uncovered?
It’s a double dose of Jeffrey and this week, I’ll be taking the helm again for G3S. This past weekend, I attended a national queer API conference and the discussions around a range of LGBT identities made me realize how little I know and have been exposed to my trans and non-monosexual API brothers and sisters. Indeed, even G3S has been primarily centered on cis gay males, a reflection of the lived experiences of the current roster of moderators.
As a result, this week I hope to elevate the voices of our trans/gender nonconforming community and queer women, recognizing that G3S has not given adequate space and representation for this segment of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. In fact if you do identify as an API trans/gender nonconforming, middle-sex, and/or queer woman and want to see more of your stories heard, please reach out to G3S; I would love to bring more diverse voices to our moderator team.