I decided to restart my Tumblr. Someone already took keeptryan, so I decided to append it with my last name’s first letter. Maybe I’ll start posting weekly about whatever. But I was thinking of styling it like a letter. Who knows.
I deleted my previous two (keeptryan and livingintechnicolor) last year in an act of desperation and embarrassment. My parents made me come out to them because they (and apparently everyone on my Family list on Facebook) saw pictures of me at a gay Halloween party that got shared accidentally through my privacy settings. Although I wasn’t dressed up, other people were half-naked as per tradition, but the context of that discovery shocked them. It must have gotten through the grapevine quickly that I might be gay (more so than in the past); relatives started asking my parents about my sexuality but given that I wasn’t out with them, they were embarrassed to answer since they didn’t know. Even my grandfather, who’s over 80 years old and who I highly respect, called my mom about it. I didn’t know about any of this until they confronted me about it on Halloween.
They said that they love me regardless of my sexuality but I don’t think they’re comfortable with it yet. They don’t want me to act gay or to be public about it. Given that the whole thing started with online privacy, they started to go through my Facebook and telling me what I should and shouldn’t post and how my past posts made me “appear” gay. I couldn’t take the stress of them telling me how to manage my online life, so in a hasty decision, I decided to deactivate my Facebook and delete my previous Tumblrs which I had kept for the past 5 years. This was so my parents would get off my back by absolving myself of all online accounts. It felt rash, but I thought it would help me focus more on school and even my relationship at the time. However, I didn’t anticipate how disconnected I would feel from everyone and the loss of two records of my life. I reactivated my Facebook on New Years Eve, and now I’m restarting my Tumblr.
I’ve decided that the dichotomy I created earlier between keeptryan and livingintechnicolor, one kind of gay and one openly gay, was silly. It’s easier for me to maintain one blog rather than two and it’s an acknowledgement that being gay is who I am; there shouldn’t be a dichotomy for that. I don’t remember all of the previous Tumblrs that I followed before, so reblog/like if you wish and I can follow anyone I find. Otherwise, we’ll see how this goes then.
Thanks to @keeptryans for sharing his coming out story. I found it interesting that the family wants you to act “less gay” in public even though they are okay with it. I wonder if this is a common experience for many people.