I found this interesting infographics and article from Huffpost. It’s a cool survey of people’s behavior on apps. 


Paper Boys Has Returned!


The third episode of Paper Boys is finally here! I’m very proud to be a part of this refreshing project, and thankful to everyone who worked so hard to make it real. Watch it. Share it. I hope you all like it!

To end my week curating the G3S blog, I’d like to give a shoutout to the series Paper Boys. After a long hiatus, they’ve finally returned with their third episode. Because our stories don’t get told by mainstream media, it’s important to support projects like these that feature gaysian characters or that have gay Asian creators working on them. I’m excited to see where this series goes.

tumifer/raspelfy (Thomas)

On dating app woes


I was chatting with a friend today and he asked me why have dating apps been such a bad experience for me. He wondered if it was the app itself, the people it draws or just a reflection of the gay community. I thought about it and this was my response. 

Anonymity – People on apps are anonymous, so they don’t have to follow social conventions governing how people should treat each other. There is little to no social consequences to how one treats people on apps, and I am sure they are much nicer in person. 

Objectification – People on apps are compared to each other based on appearances, and that means the interactions is only based on the perceived physical attributes from a few pictures rather than the person as a whole. I think this is why we commonly observe good looking but obnoxious people because looks is the only thing that matters on apps. 

Paradox of choice – Because of apps, people have this illusion that there is an unlimited number of guys out there, and there will be always be someone “better” out there. This makes people less satisfied with their real life relationships, as they rather pursue someone new (and better?) online. New in the imaginary is always more exciting. 

Concentration of attention – Now that everyone is displayed in neat little rows on your phones, people on the top of the totem pole of sexual desirability will get all the attention whereas people in tiers below (based on looks of course) gets a drastic drop in attention. Before apps, I think the distribution is more equitable because not everyone has (an illusion of) access to that super hot, model-looking guy. This is great for those guys, but not so satisfying for the rest of us who don’t live on Hollywood Boulevard. 

Thus, dating apps really represent a poor experience for majority of the people who are on them. So why are people still on them? One hypothesis I have is 

Gamblr mentality – We all know statistically everyone loses in the Casino, so why do people still go? Psychology tells us that people like gambling because of the attractive big pay off. Sure I will lose some, but maybe I can be the lucky one to win the multi-million dollar jackpot. It’s the same mentality that applies to dating apps. The big pay off is that dreamy hot guy a few blocks away (or that perfect boyfriend material next door, take your pick), and despite negative experiences, people still play the game. It’s basically like an addiction. But the end game is always going to be losing, perhaps except a few rare jackpot winners (like the stories of lucky guys we hear about who landed their dream boyfriend from an one night stand on grindr). 

Even the developers of Jack’d are aware of how interesting the behaviors are on their own app. 

Follower Friday: tc-dh

Follower Fridays is a series of profiles highlighting members of Gaysian
Third Space to showcase the diversity of gaysians in the Community.
This week’s featured member is @tc-dh.

Who are you?

Terence. Just another gay Asian trying to not starve to death, really.

Where are you from?

I’m from a specific, tiny island in a set of islands called the Mariana Islands, which is part of a whole bunch of islands in Micronesia. So essentially somewhere far away. I’d imagine that finding Narnia is easier than finding my home island on a map.

What do you do?

I’m a college junior, studying design in the Bay Area (and no, not the fashion kind. I don’t know why some people assume that).

What are you passionate about?

Besides hurting people’s feelings? (half kidding) I always catch myself addressing topics such as racism and homophobia and even how they intersect with other issues, so I guess talking about social issues and activism is one passion. Another would be art, so I’ve been super into collages and re-purposing old things into creating new things and introducing new narratives, and yes, tattoos can be art too, and I’m super into that as well (I’ve got 4 and I want a whole lot more). Also drag. I love-love-love drag and drag queens.

What is your dream job (real or fantasy)?

In my perfect world, I’d make a lot of money doing almost nothing and hurting no one in the process. Unfortunately, this world ain’t perfect.

I’d hope that in the future, I’m working at some firm or whatever and being part of their creative department, maybe designing new and innovative packaging or creating a new website or something. I don’t know. Still kind of up in the air.

OH! How about graphic designer by day and drag queen by night and paid food blogger during lunch time? That sounds fun.

If you could change the world with one idea, what would it be?

Um, I don’t know..
“Treat everyone like fucking human beings and respect them.”
“Why be homophobic when you can drink wine instead? It’s much better.”
“Cover your mouth when you cough and sneeze.”

Problematic blogs and self hate

Buckle in your seatbelt for this one. While browsing for mixed-race gaysian content to post for this week, I came across this blog. Read the title (Are many Eurasians/ Hapas/ Half Asian men gay or perpetually single?) and I knew that it was going to be problematic. The writer himself is Eurasian, but didn’t have a positive experience with it, hence the title of the blog.

As I read further, there were some things that seemed on point, but then it just went to crazy town. It was like Azealia Banks all over again, except I didn’t love the writer’s music, and this was not a bop.

His overall purpose with the blog is showing how Asian woman White male couples are bound to end up with messed up sons with criminal tendencies. He claims that because Asian women have a sexual preference for white men, they are incapable of loving their Asian sons. He states that Eurasian men are simply seen as Asian, so they have no agency in claiming their whiteness or even being mixed.

A lot of this echoes common held beliefs back when anti-miscegenation laws were in place. The taboo relationship of interracial couples was thought to lead to psychologically unstable offspring that would lead a life of sin. Sounds awful similar to what people say about queer folk adopting or having kids. Rather than seeing mixed-race individuals as something to break down normative binaries, he supports that Eurasians are subject to the one drop rule, and can only be seen as their “ethnic” side.

Reading further he makes a disclaimer that he fully supports gay people and doesn’t judge them. Only thing is, looking at the stance of this blog, it still comes off as a warning to Asian woman White male couples that not only will their sons be fucked up, but they may even be horror of horrors GAY.

He goes on to side with the environmental side of Eurasian guys turning gay because of the lower status of Asian men in society and getting rejected by women. Just to set the record straight, I was born this way. It’s not because my mom is Chinese and my dad is White. It’s not because I grew up on soy milk. My parents do not have racial fetishes. The only reason there are so many queer Eurasians on Youtube is because mainstream society doesn’t tell our stories or represent us. We need platforms like Youtube to make our voices heard and support the community of mixed-race kids feeling awkward about who they are. He probably didn’t have this kind of support system growing up, but he really needs to stop stigmatizing interracial relationships and Eurasian men. I am so done with this blog.

tumifer/raspelfy (Thomas)

On dating, passing, and choosing sides

This essay looks into parallels between the experiences of GLB individuals and mixed-race Asians. I read it back when I was in college, living in the US, and having my first experience being in queer spaces. It was also my first time hearing terms like rice queens, potato queens, and sticky rice. The racial politics of the gay world in the US were a lot to process, and it was especially difficult figuring out where I stood as a mixed person in the middle of it all.

The idea of “passing” is present in both communities. Passing as white or passing as straight places someone in a place of safety and privilege. I quickly came to realize that I didn’t have access to my whiteness in the US, and most people just saw me as Asian. While there were plenty of other mixed third culture kids back in Hong Kong, my life before college was spent feeling like I was too white to fit in with the Canto kids. The feeling of being rejected from a community for not being Asian, White, gay, or straight enough is another common experience a lot of queer mixed-race go through. 

While the relationship between the parents of mixed-race individuals is seen as a union and triumph over racist attitudes, the relationships mixed-race individuals have are often just seen as choosing sides. Was the fact that I mostly went for Asian guys (and occasionally girls) because I had issues with my white father and was closer to my Asian mother? Could I claim that I was sticky rice, or was I actually taking part in the sexual colonialism of Asian bodies? These were the sort of thoughts that occasionally passed through my mind as I browsed Okcupid profiles, and the couple of times I went to Gameboi.

Now that I’m 27, I’ve had six serious relationships, only one of which was a white boy from New Zealand. The rest were Asian and I’m fine with that. I am Asian American, mixed-race, Jewish, Chinese, queer, and while all of these minority statuses may make things a little more complicated, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

tumifer/raspelfy (Thomas)


Fictional Grandfather of the Year!


Maybe it’s because I don’t live in the US or have never been into daytime television, but how did I manage to miss this? This is a scene from long time running soap opera, Day of Our Lives. Christopher Sean plays Paul Narita, a closeted gay baseball player, that also happens to be having an affair with his ex’s husband. 

As messy as this sounds, it’s still great that he gets to be such a central character. Even though the actor himself is mixed Japanese-white (and not gay in real life), he still gets to keep his Asian ethnicity and isn’t a stereotypical emasculated Asian man on the show. His coming out scene actually took place on the same day that Fresh Off the Boat premiered.

I don’t think I’m invested enough to catch up on the past 50 years that this show has been running, and he won’t be replacing Conrad Ricamora as my gaysian TV crush, but I’m glad that there is more (mixed) gaysian representation on television.

tumifer/raspelfy (Thomas)