Thank you for those of you who filled out the survey! So happy that you guys are participating. If you haven’t yet, here is the link:
I was driving my mom around and she brought up how one of her coworker’s daughters has a girlfriend. I asked if her parents are okay with it. Then, a moment of silence. She said:
“Wala naman silang magagawa eh. / Well, there’s nothing they can do about it.”
It seemed like the perfect time to reference something about my queerness. She knows but we never talk about it. I could’ve said: “Oh wow, I wonder when I’ll be able to bring someone home like her.” Or maybe: “Haha, yeah, can’t really do anything about me either.”
But I didn’t. Instead, I laughed and steered the conversation away from that. When will I be able to talk freely about my lovelife with my parents? I wonder if there would come a time when I could bring someone home–just like those gay movies on Netflix. It would be awkward, for sure. I’d tell my partner all the warnings as we drive over to their place. My mom would tentatively greet us, and hug me and not him. We’ll talk about how we met, or rather the fake version of how we did because we had obviously met online. It would be awkward, for sure. But imagine the laughter we’d have when we drive home. You’d tell me, “Hey, it wasn’t that bad… was it?” And I’d kiss you instead of committing to a response.
Will that ever happen for me? I wonder…
Continuing our stories for this week centered on family is a thoughtful piece from @thewaynetrain.
Even though some families are accepting of our sexuality, it is still a taboo topic in the household. Some parents still wish that their children can just become “normal” at some point. As described in this post, it is a desperate longing for many of us to be able to have a “normal” dating life and gain true acceptance from our families.
I want to thank @abmos for letting me share his personal story. It was quite touching for me. I applaud him for his amazing efforts at understanding his parents and their situation despite not receiving their support.
Growing up in Asian households, family has always been emphasized as extremely important. From my personal experience, a lot of gaysians come out to friends first before coming out to parents, if at all. Other ethnic groups might decide to come out to parents first before friends (this is just anecdotal). It is perhaps one of the most nerve wrecking and life defining experience for many of us to tell our parents about our sexuality in fear of their disapproval given the traditional notion of marriage and expectations for grandchildren. Among the gaysians I know, there is a range of complete rejection to not talking about it to okay with it to complete acceptance. For those of us with accepting parents, we are very fortunate, and we should do our best to support fellow gaysians who did not have such privilege.
In the course of this week, I will share some of the family related stories from various gaysians on Tumblr via G3S. To get a better sense of how much family support exists in the gaysian online community, we want to conduct a quick poll (link below). Please help us fill this out if you are curious too, and we will publish the result early next week!
It was Christmas Eve, and I drove back home in the snow even after deciding that I didn’t want to come back home. Christmas Day for me, I already knew, was going to be filled with pain and sorrow with some tiny glimpses of happiness here and there.
Came Christmas morning mother laid in her bed and refused to come down stairs. She was upset at me and my younger sister because some relatives were gossiping about our sexual orientation. Even then, I went down stairs to cook breakfast for mother and father.
When the food was ready I went to ask mother to come eat, and she still refused. She said she no longer have any children. I told her that living in this world, no one knows who is going to die first, parents don’t always go before their children, and asked her if she would ever regret it if anything happened and those were her last worlds to us as her children, and she said no.
Sighs….my mother is a war orphan, I know where her position is coming from, it’s coming from a place of hurt and trauma. I see how the world puts her in a position where having gay/bi children brings her and our family harm, (from relatives)…When I see other mothers and fathers loving their LGBTQ children free and openly, I am happy for them, it makes me sad a bit too, but it makes me love my mother even more, even when she can’t love all of me.
Many of us are home with our families during the holidays, so for this week, we decided to feature a collection of stories relating to families. I will start with one of my favorite short stories “Paper Menagerie”.
This story is a good reminder for me to learn more about my parents and do my best to understand their perspectives. In immigrant families, the children grew up in a very different environment from parents, and sometimes it is difficult to relate or appreciate their decisions that we might perceive as foreign. We should remember that our parents love us, and they have their own unique way of giving us that love.
Sorry! The tinychat happened yesterday. We are still gauging interest in the tinychat sessions but for now, they are slated for a once-a-month frequency. However, there is currently no set schedule so stay tuned for news on our upcoming tinychat session!
More of a feel-good, carpe diem post but I like this artist’s interpretation of the poem featuring an Asian protagonist. I think though I should qualify this post by saying that I do not endorse a blanket encouragement to come out. As we’ve mentioned before, being open about one’s sexuality is a heavily context-based decision. But I think the true message of this post is to be true to yourself; to have the courage to live according to your own desires so that hopefully, one can reflect on a life with little regrets.