The Endgame

the-lingonberry:

It’s hard dating, secretly hoping you meet your future husband, when you know that it is taboo to voice such thoughts because it will scare off the person you are dating.

I’m not saying that every guy I go on a dinner date with I want to be my future husband, but I wish it was easier to find like-minded people, who are both playing the same endgame. 

I know most people my age are just “having fun” or “living in the moment” or “not in a hurry to rush into anything serious.” To the point where I feel like that’s the dominant norm around me. I’ve approached dating with those mindsets as well, because frankly sometimes it is the healthiest one to have.

But in the end, I find myself coming back to the sense that if I am spending time with someone I don’t have a long-term future with, I’m just diverting limited energy and time from finding my way to someone who I can have that kind of future with. I don’t believe in soulmates, but I do think that to find someone with that kind of potential you have to be proactive to put yourself out there.

Preach, brother. I agree wholeheartedly with everything in this post, especially with regards to youthful dating mindsets and the need to approach dating with a proactive attitude. I wonder though if people ever escape this whimsical mentality towards relationships. I’d like to believe that as people grow older, their priorities change as they mature but I’ve heard anecdotal evidence otherwise. Perhaps if one decides that “settling down” is not right for them, I respect that choice but for others who may decide in the future they want something serious, I question how they can build a serious relationship if all their previous experience has been more frivolous. For me, if being in a serious relationship is one’s end goal, it seems to behoove one to approach every relationship with that intent, to build experience in managing the nuances of a serious relationship.

-Jeffrey

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